Black Friday two and a half years ago, Tanner and I decided to spend the weekend with our families in our home town. All was well until Tanner began experiencing severe pain. He made a couple of phone calls to individuals who may be able to direct him and we ended up in the emergency room that began the wildest ride of our lives. When the doctor came in with the results of the sonogram, our hearts sank. Testicular cancer? How could that be? He’s only 26! I had a rush of anxiety, sadness, anger, but primarily fear. I was so fearful of what was to come. I was fearful that this disease would take over his body. I was fearful that this disease would take the life of my husband and I would be left to raise my son on my own. Every worst possible scenario ran through my mind. We ended up spending our entire evening in the emergency room until we had a plan of what was to come. Tanner’s parents and my parents both came to be with us as we made some very important decisions. We were so grateful to have them with us.
The following Monday, in Kansas City, Tanner went in for surgery to remove the mass. Again, another wave of emotions hit me as the doctors took him back. The surgery went really well and we were sent home to wait a few weeks until we could run blood work to see if chemotherapy was going to be in our future. As many of you know, the waiting part of it is the hardest. It was a very long few weeks. The results of the bloodwork wasn’t what we had hoped for. The tumor markers weren’t down, which indicated the cancer had started to make it’s way out. There was a vascular invasion which mean chemotherapy it was. The decision was made to allow Tanner to get through Christmas with some type of normalcy (as normal as the situation could possibly be) and begin chemo after the New Year.
Nine long weeks of chemo took us to the very end of February. The pain I felt just watching Tanner in that hospital bed was almost more than I could handle but I definitely found some strength from a higher power that I never knew could be possible. Those of you who know me, know that I am a fairly anxious person but through this entire process, I felt a sense of peace and I just felt as though everything would be okay. That definitely didn’t come from me. I knew I had to have faith because otherwise, I would have completely lost it. Tanner and I’s family and friends were so extremely supportive. We had a “chemo schedule” and people signed up to take Tanner and sit with him at the hospital while he had the chemo administered. He was never alone. I took off many days, but couldn’t go to every appointment due to my lack of sick days so knowing he had a support system whether I was physically there or not, gave me such comfort. Those were definitely some long days! We had to come prepared with plenty of things to do to pass the time (a hospital stay – what to bring shopping list will follow).
Tanner’s hair began falling out shortly after chemo began. I will never forget the look on my sweet two year old’s face when he saw his dad without his hair for the first time. He actually took a step back. I explained to him that just like he gets haircuts, daddy got one too 😊 He got a big grin on his face. This sweet little boy knew something was wrong but loved on his dad in every way possible.
It wasn’t all sadness during this time. My husband, being the humorous and witty guy he is had some good jokes and fun with it along the way. When my sister shaved the rest of his hair off, he asked her to give him some various hairstyles before taking it all off! This was just one of the many he tried!
After those nine weeks of chemo, they ran blood work and found that the CANCER WAS GONE!! We could finally breath again for the first time in 3 months. That doesn’t mean that the wait is over. We still have annual body scans, as well as blood work twice a year to measure tumor markers. Tanner just happens to have another appointment coming up a week from today. He will have tests ran and schedule a follow up meeting with his oncologist to review the results. I get anxious every time we complete these tests. What if the cancer returns? Somebody once told me, he is one step ahead of the rest of us because they are being proactive and checking to make sure it’s not there. That was a great bit of advice that I have held onto ever since.
For those of you who are following my blog, I will update you on the results of this upcoming test when we receive them!
